Sometimes in TV commercials, there is a baby crying. I was wondering: do they make the baby cry or wait around until he cries on his own? Who’s job is it to make the baby cry, and how do they do it? Maybe they poke the baby. So what does that guy put on his resume? “Experienced baby poker – reduced commercial production time by 18% by creative baby poking methods. Unique ability to make even the happiest baby cry in under 20 seconds.”
Once again my friend Hannah and I have decided to interview each other on our blogs. So, here goes………….
1. What is your favorite candy? What is your LEAST favorite candy?
My favorite is a Snickers that has been in the freezer. Least favorite is candy corn. Candy corns are stupid and disgusting. What, was candy broccoli already taken?
2. What was your best Halloween costume of all time?
A couple days after the Crocodile Hunter died I dressed up like him with a giant bloody fin sticking out of my chest. Rebecca dressed like the wife and had a black vail over her safari hat. We were awesome!
3. What is your biggest pet peeve?
I hate hearing people chew. Bad drivers also make me crazy.
4. If you had to join the witness protection program, where would you tell the government you’d like to move? If you could pick your new name, what would it be? (I won’t tell anyone what you chose, should this ever happen.)
I’d move to Vegas and change my name to Snarf McQuief
5. If you had to give up beer. . . or meat for the rest of your life, which would you give up?
Beer. I have had maybe 3 beers in the last year, but I’ve probably had 3 kinds of meat today.
6. How the heck does someone live in Texas and not like country music? How did this happen and what is wrong with you?
Back home we had both kinds of music – country and western! Not sure why it never grew on me. You will be pleased to know I have 4 songs that could be considered country on my iPod. Too bad you did not ask me that or I might tell you what they are…….
7. What is your favorite TV series, as of late?
I love Wilfred. I don’t think anyone else watches it, but I think it’s genius.
8. What weather phenomenon do you think is worse/scarier. . . a hurricane or earthquake?
Hurricane. First the news people try to scare the crap out of everyone for a week before, then it can be as bad as predicted. I’ve never actually been in an earthquake, so I might change my answer if I had.
9. Are you reading anything interesting now?
Yes.
10. How do you feel about Lady Gaga?
I really never liked her music and thought she was a novelty act until very recently. I listened to an interview with her and she played the piano and sang – VERY WELL. She’s actually an accomplished musician and very bright, but I think all the silly outfits and antics overshadow her musical ability. She sang a song called “Edge of Glory” on the show and it was very moving and beautiful. Then I heard the “regular” version on the radio and thought it sucked. She should lose the meat dress, get a real band, and stop making disco-pop drivel.
Just got a letter in the mail from the little girl we sponsor in Bolivia. Her letters are always full of happiness and cheer – she gets a great joy from little things that we would normally take for granted. We can send her such a small gift or donation, and it means the world to her and her family. It makes me wonder – they have almost nothing and get such joy out of “small” things. We have so much, and usually walk around grumpy and complaining about things. “Stupid bills!” “My boss is a jerk!” “I hate school!” Sound familiar? I’m going to make an effort to appreciate the blessings I have. After all – I’m loved – the rest is just details.
My friend Hannah and I decided to interview each other on our blogs – here is her interview of me. Enjoy the silliness!
1. Do you believe in Heaven?
Absolutely! I think it would be really sad going through life thinking “This is it?” The thought of eternal salvation makes all of this worth it.
2. Think about your favorite city in all your travels. . . could you live there permanently?
That’s a tough question for 2 reasons. First, it’s tough to pick my favorite city. I’ve seen so many that were wonderful for many different reasons. I guess I’m going to pick Florence, Italy. It’s such a beautiful place with the river running through it, the shops, open markets, and the BEST gelato on the planet. Second, I don’t know that I could live there full time. Maybe if I had a place in Tuscany, and could spend 1 month per year there. So I guess the answer is kind of!
3. Have you always used the same toothpaste your whole life? Did you switch brands when you and your wife started living together?
I am so not picky about toothpaste. My wife usually buys 1/2 regular, 1/2 sparkly mix, teeth whitening, with Scope crystals fancy gourmet toothpaste so that’s what I use. You could probably switch it out with a tube of tile caulk and I would not notice.
4. If you had to lose one of your senses. . . what would you choose?
I suppose sense of smell. I can’t even imagine a world without sight, sound, or touch. Maybe dieting would be easier if nothing had taste, but that would suck as well, so I’d say smell.
5. Are you a good cook? If so. . . or if not, what is the dish you think you make best.
I can make a few things, but don’t consider myself a cook. There is a dish I love to make called sausage casserole. Everyone who tries it seems to like it. We also love to grill things, but I don’t know if that counts as cooking.
6. Which natural disaster do you think would be scariest to be a part of (not causing it. . . just a bystander)? 🙂
Volcano. Watching the footage of molten lava pouring into the sea is always scary. I can’t even imagine trying to run away from the ash, smoke, etc. Thanks, now I’ll have a nightmare.
7. Name a song that makes you want to throw up in your mouth?
Any song by John Mayer. I just don’t get this guy – he’s actually a good guitar player which is usually enough for me to like a musician. But, his songs are generic pablum. Also, any rap song that samples a classic rock song. I know you are not real musicians, but please guys, try to have an original thought from time to time.
8. What would be worse. . . being a UT-Austin fan or being stabbed in the arm with a fork for one hour each day?
I always said in a game between the Longhorns and the Taliban, I’d hope for a tie. Bring on the fork!
9. Have you ever made up a fake name for yourself? If so, why?
Itch McCracken. No further comment.
10. What was your favorite song to play with your band?
Voodoo Chile by Jimi Hendrix! We used to jam on this song for EVER (which annoyed the bass player to no end). My bag of tricks on guitar is limited, but this song allowed me to show off a little and make people think I could really play.
Thanks Han – that was fun! Maybe Hannah and I will do this again from time to time. Anyone else want to play?
Today I was waiting at a red light, and I saw a crew of prisoners picking up trash on the road. You know – the dudes in the striped suits serving their punishment by working? Any way, this one guy was just standing there in his little striped jumpsuit just crying his eyes out. This was the chest-heaving sobs of a real cry. It made me wonder why. Why was he crying? Was it just the fact that he’s picking up trash on the side of the road in this Texas heat? Was he reflecting on his crime? Did some other tragedy befall his family while he’s stuck in jail and can not be there? I almost felt bad for throwing a can at him.
So I go visit family last weekend in my home town and find out I’m Jewish. Or not. Maybe. We are not sure. What?!? Yes, I know. My family has always been VERY German. Coming from families with names like Wolfshohl, Schultz, and Geistmann was there any doubt? As a matter of fact – YES! So happens that my mother’s cousin’s daughter’s friend’s uncle’s barber’s canasta partner said the Geistmanns had another name and changed it when they fled Germany. So now we’re Jewish. My first thought was “I’m NOT giving up Tuttle’s sausage!” (OK if you are from Woodsboro that’s funny). After letting my new heritage sink in, I decided it’s not that big of a deal anyway. Does not change who I am, and since I’m adopted I have a loophole anyway. Besides, who am I to kvetch?
In an effort to blog more, I’m going to do the 30 Day Song Challenge (thanks Hannah, I totally ripped off your idea). Also, it will force me to learn how to insert links, so here goes………..
Song #1 – Favorite Song
So, we already have a problem. I can’t pick one song, so I’ll pick my favorite song today: Voodoo Chile (Slight Return) by Jimi Hendrix. If you have ever played, heard, seen, or thought of a guitar you will know why.
Why is there even a debate if OBL’s “burial at sea” was appropriate? Did they give Daniel Pearl his last rites before they sawed his head off? Did the animals who knocked down the twin towers consult with Christian scholars to make sure the victims were treated according to thier beliefs? They should have fed his carcass to pigs. Then fed the pigs to the prisoners at Gitmo.
Who wants to be “average?” I do. The last 9 months or so have been quite an adventure for me – a quest for average. “Why average?” you ask – well, because for the last decade or so I’ve been way above average. Size that is. Oh, there were attempts and some wins, but in the end the weight always came back on. Usually more than when I started the next silly diet craze or fad. Diets don’t work by the way, but more on that later. Anyway – back to being average. It sucks rocks not shopping in the “average” sizes. Stores even add insult to injury by adding a couple bucks for “extended sizes.” Wonderful feeling. Just adds to the joy in your heart you have by already buying the largest size in Wal-Mart. FREAKING WAL-MART!!! Add to that a blood pressure reading way above average. Oh – and a blood sugar level way above average. Wrap that up with a bad gall bladder and you have a big, fat, over average mess. That was me. I’ve never been a lazy person – I never miss work. It just confounded me that I let myself get into that condition! When my eyesight started getting blurry I decided it was time to do something about it. My doctor said something profound (and kind of funny looking back) – he said “Options? You have options – lose a lot of weight or die young! How many really fat old people do you see walking around? None! They all die!” Now that may sound really harsh, but it was just the kick in the pants I needed. Turning 40 and getting diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure scared me straight. I started going to the gym about 5 days a week. That was eye-opening. The first time I went alone I realized – I’m the FATTEST PERSON in the whole gym. Talk about an ego check. At that moment I quit feeling sorry for myself, quit making excuses, and made a promise to myself to be AVERAGE!!! Now I don’t have to be the most in shape guy at the gym – but I’ll be damned if I will be the WORST! Things started changing that day. Every day I went back until it became a habit. Every day I was determined to NOT be the worst case scenerio at the gym! At slowly it started to happen. Drastic changes in my eating habits came after meeting with a dietician. Change in HABITS – NOT A DIET!!!! Diets don’t work! Pills don’t work! If they did, why are there still so many fat people!!! So, here I am 102 lbs smaller and closer to “average” then I’ve been in many years. And average feels pretty damn good.
So at 5:00 AM Rebecca wakes me up with the news that her car has a flat and she needs to go to work. Now, I’m working afternoon shift and did not go to sleep until 1:30 AM, so I’m going on a few hours sleep. Needless to say I was a little groggy and fell right back asleep. At this point I had the most realistic, vivid, real time dream about getting out of bed and changing her tire. I even dreamed about washing my hands afterwards and going back to bed. Then I woke up for real. It took me a few minutes to fully wake up – when I did I kind of laughed at myself for that silly dream I just had about Rebecca having a flat tire. Then I saw the car in the driveway with a real flat. I think I yelled something to the effect of “Son of a motherless goat!” I only dreamed the changing part. The flat was real. Sooooooo – I got to change the tire AGAIN! I think I should get husband credit for changing 2 tires. After all, it is Christmas and I need to get off the “naughty” list.
Lance's World 